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  1. It’s another day

    September 12, 2011 by Amy Hansford

    Dear victims of 9/11,

    I’m sorry that the media has been replaying graphic images of your horrible deaths continually the past fortnight.
    I’m sorry that your familes are surrounded by horrific reminders of what happened.
    I’m sorry that, for some, it’s not enough for your families and friends to have to deal with the grief of their loss – that the media feels the need to remind them, in intricate detail, exactly how you died, via every possible outlet, worldwide.
    I’m sorry that your unnecessary deaths have been glorified to an extent where people who had absolutely no link whatsoever with you feel the need to dig up the past declaring ‘never forget’.

    One day, they might actually let you rest in peace.

    Yours,

    An unrelated onlooker.


  2. Coupons

    August 24, 2011 by Amy Hansford

    I get a lot of coupons through the post, mainly through having subscribed to various store baby clubs. Most of it is pretty standard, but sometimes there’s something that catches my eye. Today, a revelation.

    BOOTS HAS MAGICS!!!


  3. How to: Knightmare shield and helmet

    August 23, 2011 by Amy Hansford

    For my 30th birthday we had a Kids TV themed party. I chose to go as a character out of Thundercats while Alex opted for going as a generic kid from the programme Knightmare. Huge credit to this kid for making us realise it was possible to make this outfit. I couldn’t find any pictures of the actual shield, so ours is based on his. While the photos don’t start until halfway through, I thought it might be helpful to post a guide on how to make such an outfit.

    The only item bought in advance was a viking helmet to use as a base.

    You will need:
    Cardboard (I used the one the helmet came in)
    Viking helmet
    Black pen
    Balloon
    A4 card
    Newspaper (I used the free ones, collected over a fortnight)
    Sellotape
    PVA glue (school glue) (We could only find it in Hobbycraft)
    Strong adhesive
    Kitchen roll

    Step 1: Making shapes
    For the shield, I found a cardboard box big enough and drew on a basic shield shape before cutting it out. At this stage it looked like a giant guitar pick.
    For the helmet, I blew a balloon up bigger than Alex’s head, then sellotaped A4 paper around from the middle downwards to extend into a helmet shape. Note – you should use card as it’ll give it more strength!

    The plain shield with built up edges and central piece

    The plain shield with built up edges and central piece

    Step 2: Building up
    For the shield, I twisted newspaper and taped it around the front edge of the template. I also used more scrunched paper to build up the middle area of the shield where the raised eye would be. Both areas were built up around an inch high from the base.
    For the helmet, I used a mix of 1/3 PVA glue 2/3 water and pasted strips of newspaper all over the balloon and attached paper. I probably did around 4 layers before moving on to the next stage. It takes a long time, so be prepared to do this over several days to allow each layer to dry.

    Step 3: More of the same
    For the shield, I pasted newspaper all over the front. Once dried, I took some more cardboard and taped it on the back to make a handle, followed by – you guessed it – more newspaper pasting!
    For the helmet, it was time for the embellishment at the top. I taped a larger, pointed scrunch on newspaper at the front, three rounded scrunches to form a cross behind it, then two smaller scrunches inbetween the left/rear and right/rear. I then took a piece of card cut in the same shape and taped this on top – I also used strong adhesive to help. Once settled, I pasted with newspaper.

    Sticking the viking helmet (minus horns) inside the cropped popped balloon

    Sticking the viking helmet (minus horns) inside the cropped popped balloon

    Step 4: Shield 80% Helmet 60%
    With the shape of the shield now complete, it was time for the final top layer – kitchen roll. I used the PVA mix from before and pasted this on to give a strong and single colour base on which to paint later.
    The balloon still inside the helmet was burst. Make sure you have scissors on hand to quickly cut away from the sides of the helmet to avoid it collapsing in on itself. Having been cut down to a point where Alex could see his feet, I took the plastic viking helmet (minus horns) and glued it inside the paper helmet. This would ensure it sat comfortably on Alex’s head.

    Step 5: Helmet 70%
    At this point, the kitchen roll was still drying – while it’s stronger and a better base, it takes longer to set.
    I glued the horns to either side of the helmet using sellotape to secure the position and to fill in the gaps, then papered it.

    Before the paper...

    Before the paper…

    Before and after the paper

    …and after the paper

    Step 6: Helmet 80%
    I taped thick string (doubled up) around in the pattern seen on the original helmet, then kitchen rolled over this.

    Lots of lovely string

    Lots of lovely string

    Lots of lovely kitchen roll

    Lots of lovely kitchen roll


    Step 7: Finish
    Finally, I painted the shield and helmet. No pics of the process due to mysteriously vanishing from my phone.
    The shield was painted grey on both sides with a red iris on a white eye. The eye was outlined with black paint to make it stand out more.
    The helmet was painted white/grey for the horns, black for the ‘top’ piece, brown for the main helmet and black for the front centre drop. Gold paint was used for the stringed areas. Do note I was guessing at the majority of the colours. I was going for it looking good rather than being completely accurate.
    Alex used a pin to put several dozen holes in the front in patches to allow him to see. Visibility was still limited, but you couldn’t see any holes from the front at all.

    Finished Knightmare helmet

    The completed helmet!

    And so, the finished product!

    If you make your own Knightmare helmet or shield, do let me know. It’d be interesting to have a bit of a gallery!


  4. Happy Birthday to me

    August 22, 2011 by Amy Hansford

    I turned 30 this month, or as the good Sara Cox taught me, 21 9. I had a cracking joint birthday party with a friend – Kids TV fancy dress like – and all in all have had a lovely month celebrating here and there.

    I got a few gifts which were wonderful for me. They really demonstrated how lovely my friends are and how much they know me.

    1. Cult Movie Art book. A beautiful, beautiful thing full of the most glorious depictions of many of the films we love.

    2. 30th badge. Because you have to wear one on your birthday.

    3. Love Hearts mug. A love a good cup of tea, and now I have a spanking new mug to enjoy it in!

    4. Angry Birds toy. Because I’m a geekette and I like apps.

    5. Simon’s Cat book. Because I love following this chap via my Google Reader.

    I also received some gorgeous frames for (so I was instructed) pictures to put up so that Little L knows I was a fun person before (and since) being a mum, plus “The Pantomime Book” which is just the most apt thing ever.

    I have great friends and family. Very chuffed.


  5. Greenclaws

    July 26, 2011 by Amy Hansford

    Our lovely friend JJ bought us some flowers t’other week, inspiring us to do up the front garden. Until now, Alex had cleared the borders and woodchipped them to deter weeds. I hadn’t got round to doing anything other than watching the potted bushes die slowly, so we bounded down to B&Q and got busy in the garden.

    We now have a beautifully planted front garden, and our favourite new resident, Brian.


  6. Work It

    July 25, 2011 by Amy Hansford

    I went to the gym today. It’s important to know that I hate going to the gym. It was only possible thanks to the creche which takes Little L – most places that offer a creche for children who are 6 months+ only, while ours is 3 months+. Brilliant.

    Due to various ills, I’ve not been able to go to the gym since joining two months ago, so today was a case of me getting on with it. Irritatingly, I left my gym token at home – the precious piece of plastic which tells me what to do next and how long for. Otherwise (like today) I’m completely lost. Not wishing to waste the hour of creche time, I had a go on the treadmill, worked up a sweat* then caved in and had some ‘me’ time instead with a cup of tea. So today’s workout:

    20 minutes on the treadmill consisting of
    2 minutes walking at 5km/hour
    1 minute running at 8km/hour
    Repeated until end.

    Aside from that, I’ll be walking 1.5 miles with Little L later this afternoon on a little loop around the marina. After that, time to relax!

    *This does not take long thanks to me being pretty unfit.


  7. Comic-Con – I wish

    July 23, 2011 by Amy Hansford

    One day I would love to go to the San Diego Comic-Con. Until then, I will live vicariously through other people’s Comic-Con themed blog posts, like this one care of ROFL Razzi.


  8. July 2, 2011 by Amy Hansford

    Today I learned that the Americans call a bouncy castle a ‘Moonbounce’.
    A friend learned that a group of giraffes is called a ‘tower’.
    What have you learned today?


  9. Tumbleweed

    June 28, 2011 by Amy Hansford

    Cripes, it’s quiet on here, isn’t it?
    Life just doesn’t stop at the moment. And when it does, I’m normally tucking myself into the corner of the sofa and closing my eyes. There’s so much I want to put on here at the moment! Some things I probably could, some things I can’t for a while, and some things I never can. In a nutshell:

    ~ Little L is brilliant. Utterly content and easy to please. Starting to sleep through the night and impresses me continually. Motherhood is cool, but makes you tired. Can’t imagine what it’s like having two. Bloody well done to anyone who’s done this lark more than once.

    ~ Can’t wait for kids panto. Wasn’t remotely fussed, then ended up transcribing the script from a dvd and getting far too excited over various elements, plus the director is bullying me into auditioning. I say bullying. I mean she asked me if I fancied doing it and I bit her arm off before she finished her sentence.

    ~ Weddings are also fab. Friends are getting married in Scotland next week, some more in England two weeks after, then another set a month after that. We’ve booked our wedding venue and cemented a date for 2012 with lots of ideas buzzing around that have not yet come to fruition.

    And that’s my knowledge set. Nothing else happens in my life at the moment, so if you get stuck in a conversation with me these are probably the topics I will talk about. Have taken to avoiding the news as it’s all so depressing, so enjoying blissful ignorance. Will try and remember to post amusing things on here, but you may well be better off checking in on my Twitter instead; www.twitter.com/awakey


  10. Unnerving

    May 12, 2011 by Amy Hansford

    As children, we would tape films from the telly on our vhs. We’d record one film or programme over another, meaning we’d often see a few minutes from whatever was previously on the tape in between our kid stuff. One tape haunted me until this day. Just that one minute interlude, haunting me for 25 years. I never knew what the segment was from, only that it was the end of a film that my parents had recorded. To this day, it terrorfies me.

    A woman is stabbed by flying daggers and pinned to the furniture in a crucifix position. Her eyes glow demonically. The camera pans out as the house burns down around her.

    I would be captivated by that one minute of film, scared to take my eyes off the screen lest the drama concluding be changed. It’s returned to me in snatches of dreams, teasing me with the fear it unleashes. I never knew what the clip was from. Until this morning.

    *** HERE BE SPOILERS!!! ***
    A few weeks ago I Sky+d a few films to watch. Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Independence Day and Carrie. Loved the first, haven’t got round to the second yet and started watching the third this morning. We are introduced to Carrie and told that her parents have strict religious beliefs. We meet her mother, a forceful preaching Christian who beats her child with a Bible to enforce her values. And that’s as far as I got.
    As the mother walked through the house, there was a little piano riff. My whole being suddenly jumped? with recognition- after a quarter of a century being taunted by a frustrating clip, I knew exactly what it was. I had repeatedly seen the end scene from Carrie.

    You’d think that with this sense of closure I would be able to watch the rest of the film knowing I had completed this puzzle. But I don’t think I can. I can’t tell you how quickly my hand moved to the stop button, how disturbed I was by that piano ditty. I also am unsure about the finality of seeing that pained face again after all these years.

    For now it can sit on the recorder, waiting for me to be as brave as I was when I was a young child.