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Posts Tagged ‘shopping’

  1. Asda – It’s Over.

    July 14, 2013 by Amy Hansford

    Dear Asda,

    We work well together. We have done for years. But – and I’m sorry to say this – you’ve changed. And I can wholeheartedly say that it’s you, not me.

    I remember the days when I’d wheel a tiny newborn through your store, with Little L marvelling at your twinkling lights and I enjoying the delicious calm that settled. And of course when I realised you sold clothes – well, that was a special day.

    That memorable day when I discovered online ordering. Being able to find the second cheapest of everything was a godsend for our budget.

    But then you changed.

    No sooner had you lulled me into a false sense of security with your ‘click and collect’ service, you moved the goalposts. Despite two years, two years of devoted service completing weekly surveys on your Mumdex panel, you went behind my back and changed everything.

    banana400Three times I selected ‘1 kg of bananas, 68p’. Three different shopping loads. And each time, what did I get, Asda? What did you give me, even though you’d promised me a bunch of tasty yellow fruit? One. Sodding. Banana. Each frickin’ time.

    But, you know, I thought I’d persevere. I thought I’d try and work on our relationship. I shrugged off substitutions. I dutifully gave you hours of my life ordering online. And then, the final insult.

    Asda, you took away my price filtering options.

    The one thing that was holding us together, you tore apart.

    I can see why you did it. Money. That’s all you care about really, isn’t it? Not our bond. Not our relationship. Bloody money. ‘Oh no, forget our best comparison feature, we’ll make it hard for people to find the cheapest product and our Price Beating service will be a breeze. We’ll rake it in!’. Well Asda, now I know. You’ve shown your true colours.

    I’m leaving you, Asda. I’ve found someone else.

    Goodbye.

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  2. I sold it on Ebay

    February 21, 2010 by Amy Hansford

    In the wise words of Avenue Q, I keep selling my possessions on Ebay. I delight in writing the listing details. I mock the standard procedure and infiltrate it with comedy. In light of this I thought I would let you all in on such scrawlings. Of course, if you fancy a pair of sandals, do let me know.

    Black and cork wedge sandals size 4

    What?
    Size 4 wedge sandals with a buckle strap fastening.

    Have they been worn?
    A couple of times indoors, not outside. Served as a great reminder why I am rubbish at wearing heels. I walk like a camel.? As such they are in near perfect condition aside from a random slightly dark mark at the front of one of the shoes, presumably from cuddling up to another pair of equally unworn heels in my wardrobe. I only noticed it today when I was taking photos. Otherwise, the shoes have no wear or tear. For some reason I am unable to include additional photos in the listing, but I have pictures of every aspect of the shoes – just email me via the ‘ask a question’ function and they’re all yours.

    Why are you selling them?
    If the makers of this shoe could see how appaulingly I walk in them, they would surely have me assassinated.

    FAQ
    Q: Were you inspired to buy these through seeing them worn by that girl out of Kyle XY?
    A: Yes. Clearly, she is not me.

    Q: Will you ship overseas?
    A: Only if you ask nicely. The p&p cost will go up, so don’t pay straight away as I’ll only ask you for more money. Email me first, tell me your address, then I’l let you know how much it is.

    Q: Do you accept returns?
    A: No. I am as honest as possible on this thing, so you should be aware of what you’re buying in the first place. If you don’t want it, don’t bid! If you’re a reasonable human being with an ounce of common sense, I look forward to doing business with you.

    Q: Is your sofa from Ikea?
    A: Yes. Yes it is.

    If you have any other questions, ask me. I don’t bite. Except on Mondays.

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  3. London London London

    April 2, 2009 by Amy Hansford

    A friend visiting London was asking for some advice on places to eat and shops to visit. It’s not the first time, but I always forget what I’ve said. Through sheer laziness of not remembering this nugget of information for every person, I thought I’d put a few notes down here for future reference.

    Dinner:

    TREAT: Ping Pong. These do Dim Sum and are cool without being snooty. There’s a few around including one near the National Theatre on the Southbank.
    PUBBY: The Crooked Surgeon. This is just off Leicester Square (not far from The Prince Charles CInema) and does decent pub grub. It’s not a traditional pub – they’re so hard to find these days – but it’s okay value.
    CURRY: Masala Zone. This is off Covent Garden. They, like most places in London, do a pre-theatre deal. You don’t have to be going to the theatre to use the deals! About a tenner for a very tasty three course meal.
    FUN PUB: Ben Crouch’s Tavern. It’s off Oxford Street. Probably the only place I feel at home in London! Again, good menu, great value and it has a horror theme. Don’t tell your family about the screaming/chainsaw sound track playing in the toilets!
    Plus there’s plenty of Wagamamas around and all the usual chains.

    Shops:

    CAMDEN is all there and complete. The smaller market by the canal’s closed, but everything’s there. Sadly, they ditched the hotch potch covered stalls in all the arches for some glass monstrosity that I’ve not looked into – all glassware and t-shirts – but Punkyfish and the New Rock boot shops are all around as are the goth shops.
    OXFORD STREET is still packed with every shop imaginable.
    Check out FORBIDDEN PLANET for amazing sci-fi and film goodness.
    For your musicals, check out DRESS CIRCLE off Covent Garden. It has everything to do with every musical ever made.

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  4. Mind The Gap

    December 20, 2008 by Amy Hansford

    So Gap, how crap do you want to be? How many tricks do you want to miss? And how much money are you losing out on?

    As many of you know, my body has somewhat inflated in the past month. After field trips to Dorothy Perkins, Peacocks, New Look and H&M, I’ve found that the British sizing industry has failed me. Size 14 tops cling to my pot belly and 16s hang off me like a mattress slung over a tree branch. I’m lost in sizing limbo, reduced to three tops bought stateside and previously baggy jumpers.

    But of course, stateside! KNowing that the ‘M’ tops in Old Navy fit, I thought I’d check them out. Oh, the delights of their multicoloured website! All the tops in the world under one web address. But, what’s that? No international shipping? Oh dear.

    Aha, but then I spied that Old Navy is part of a chain. Banana Republic is also owned by their head brand name – Gap. A superb realisation – perhaps Gap will have clothes that fit? On to gap.co.uk. A banking site. Hmm. A Google search shows no UK or even European Gap stores. The only sign of Gap-like life is someone asking the very same thing on Google Answers – where can I find the UK Gap store online? The answer: there isn’t one. My thoughts deflated, I realised my only hope of getting another top and minimising my washing frequency was to risk the Christmas shoppers and go to a Gap store. No thanks. While I only have three tops that fit, there’s two formal gowns and three work shirts I can fit comfortably.

    So if you see someone wandering Crouch End in trainers and an NYC jumper thrown over a black evening dress, it’s not your local bag lady.
    Just me.

    All images and text property of Amy Wake 2009 unless otherwise stated. Please do not use these pictures without my permission. But you?re welcome to ask.

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