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Merry Christmas y’all!
December 22, 2008 by Amy Hansford
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Mind The Gap
December 20, 2008 by Amy Hansford
So Gap, how crap do you want to be? How many tricks do you want to miss? And how much money are you losing out on?
As many of you know, my body has somewhat inflated in the past month. After field trips to Dorothy Perkins, Peacocks, New Look and H&M, I’ve found that the British sizing industry has failed me. Size 14 tops cling to my pot belly and 16s hang off me like a mattress slung over a tree branch. I’m lost in sizing limbo, reduced to three tops bought stateside and previously baggy jumpers.
But of course, stateside! KNowing that the ‘M’ tops in Old Navy fit, I thought I’d check them out. Oh, the delights of their multicoloured website! All the tops in the world under one web address. But, what’s that? No international shipping? Oh dear.
Aha, but then I spied that Old Navy is part of a chain. Banana Republic is also owned by their head brand name – Gap. A superb realisation – perhaps Gap will have clothes that fit? On to gap.co.uk. A banking site. Hmm. A Google search shows no UK or even European Gap stores. The only sign of Gap-like life is someone asking the very same thing on Google Answers – where can I find the UK Gap store online? The answer: there isn’t one. My thoughts deflated, I realised my only hope of getting another top and minimising my washing frequency was to risk the Christmas shoppers and go to a Gap store. No thanks. While I only have three tops that fit, there’s two formal gowns and three work shirts I can fit comfortably.
So if you see someone wandering Crouch End in trainers and an NYC jumper thrown over a black evening dress, it’s not your local bag lady.
Just me.All images and text property of Amy Wake 2009 unless otherwise stated. Please do not use these pictures without my permission. But you?re welcome to ask.
Category Comments | Tags: , gap, old navy, shopping, size | 1 Comment
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Toronto round up
November 21, 2008 by Amy Hansford
There are many wonderful things about Toronto, not least of which is the amazing undergound shopping network, meaning no-one really needs to be outside in the sub zero temperatures for more than five minutes.
Also, the fact they darn well just get things done. Yesterday morning, the top news story was that of a house in which four bodies were found. By this afternoon, they’d revealed it was actually three murders and a suicide, their names, that they were a lovely family caught up in the economic strain and related issues and that it was all pretty much sorted. It did not involve a three month long investigation like we normally have for such things, or a Facebook group of people saying ‘boo, isn’t this bad – having an online theoretical group of people who agree with this will make a difference and bring them all back to life’, or ministers commenting on whether or not it should have beenb allowed to happen.
People are nice. Just because it’s natural to be nice, and say hello when you pass each other, and say thankyou.
The cost of living is lower, so people can enjoy things more, so they are happier.
There are no chavs. There are only the occasional gang of emos, which are of course very easy to deal with as they’re not interested in cutting you, only themselves.
Adverts for Dr Who are hilarious.
Deep voiced American: ‘The universe is at stake…’
David Tennent: ‘It’s alright – I’m the Doctor!’ [in a Michael Caine-esque voice.]They can heat things properly, so you don’t feel like a room is being deliberately overheated – it’s just right.
It’s clean. This is because the people aren’t idiots and know how to use a bin. As bizarre and difficult a concept as it sounds, people actually put wrappers in their pockets until they find a bin rather than dropping it on the ground. I know – unbelievable.
Toronto is what a city should be – it works!
Tomorrow … Vancouver, and the search for cupcakes.
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It’s ok.
November 11, 2008 by Amy Hansford
I had such a moment this weekend.
While chatting with a friend I don?t see nearly enough, I said the following;
?You know, I?ve been through the worst thing in my life I could ever go through. Everything else is manageable.?
?
You only get one mum, truly, and when you lose her it is absolutely devastating. But I?m still here and actually, I?m ok. Comparatively, a 5 hour journey home becoming a 9/10 hour one is actually quite doable. As is getting caught in the rain on my way somewhere, wearing a pair of trousers that are a bit too tight and only realizing this upon arrival at work, missing a tv programme ? it?s all doable.
?
I?m not suggesting the world deliberately go out of its way to throw angst at me, but I do feel a little more confident that I can cope with whatever metaphorical banana skin should appear next beneath my feet.
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Puzzling
October 24, 2008 by Amy Hansford
I’ve always liked puzzles. I started off with wordsearches as a youngen, loving those kids puzzle books with everything in and the free pen. Graduated on to Logic puzzles thanks to a friend of my brother who would pop me on her lap as I watched her complete them, fascinated. Then like many people, onto Sudoku, happily ending up most recently at Hanjie which I’ve been doing for a couple of years now. This involves numbers and colouring in – perfect for me!
WHSmith, the only stockists of the Hanjie book*, rarely have them in stock. Bored of going in to Wood Green for nowt, I thought I’d go the whole hog and subscribe. And I got my first copy delivered to my door today.
However, I was a little perturbed by the advertising enclosed. For some unexplained reason, it made me feel a little old before my time;
- 12 Chances to WIN-A-FREE Craftmatic III Adjustable Bed!
- Your WILL is a vitally important document
- Take a look at the benefits of the Age Concern Guarenteed Funeral Plan
- And don’t forget the advert for a reversible, yes, reversible cape. ‘Elegant wear regardless of the weather!
Right, I’m off for a sponge bath…
*Which was previously called Tsunami but funnily enough they rebranded a year or two ago.
Category Comments | Tags: , Hanjie, old, puzzle | 1 Comment
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The Dream
October 12, 2008 by Amy Hansford
For the first time in about two years, I had ‘the dream’ last night. The dream is something I believe is common to all those who shadow cast Rocky Horror, but is seldom spoken of. This morning I am breaking the silence!
The main thread of the dream is that you’re being called upon to do a shadowcast for Rocky somewhere. Such is the nature of shadowcasting (for those who don’t know, everyone can pretty much play anything so parts are very interchangeable) that in this case you don’t know who you’re going to be, so you bring every costume and make up piece with you. You finally get to the event and you can’t find the person leading the shadowcast. You search everywhere but nothing. Then finally, once the show’s begun, you get a tip off – you’re playing Magenta!
But holy crap, where’s your Magenta stuff? Make up, check, boots, check, but that’s it! And they’re already on to Dammmit Janet! Time slows down at this point, bizarrely giving you enough time to go to the shops. Why they’re open at the same time as a shadowcasting (normally around 10pm-2am) I have no idea, but you scrape together a black dress from somewhere. As a Rocky performer you then castrate yourself by not having an accurate costume, for goodness sake not having a wig, and manage somehow to get through the show, generally hating yourself for what you’re (not) wearing. I tell a lie – normally you get to your first scene in the film LATE (in my case they were at the Creation scene) and halfways into your almost-costume, receiving a round of tuts for your trouble.
And then on to the next dream.
And people wonder why I ask what part I’m playing so far in advance!
Remember kids, Rocky Horror at the Grosvenor Cinema, Glasgow, Friday 7th and Saturday 8th November. See you there, hopefully on time and hopefully in costume!
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Travel etiquette
September 25, 2008 by Amy Hansford
?
Bus etiquette. Train etiquette, whatever you’re on, so long as it?s public transport.
We?ve all been there ? you get on the tube and the only spare seat is next to, well, someone. Anyone. But it?s there and you take it. And so the aisles fill up with other commuters and you all go off on your way.
You get to Commuter Central and the bus/train/etc empties out, leaving a rather empty carriage. A guy listening to his music a bit too loud, a few people reading the newspaper, a woman who?s fallen asleep against the window, and you. Sitting next to Mr or Mrs Anonymous. Potentially trapping them against the window, unable to escape freely to the aisle.
?
What do you do?
Do you move, allowing both you and the other person more freedom? But how will that make Mr or Mrs Anonymous feel? Your movement may trigger all sorts of feelings and thoughts from them. ?Why did they do that? Do I smell? Is there something wrong with me? I feel so unloved – even someone I don’t know can’t stand me.? The simple action of moving away could possibly make them feel so rubbish they may end up getting off that train and, I don’t know… kick a puppy or something.
So, do you stay? It keeps the norm, doesn?t it? But then again, what about Mr or Mrs Anonymous? Will they feel trapped? Will they think you fancy them? Will they start to wonder if indeed you?ll ever release them from their seat?
?
So that?s my ponderation for the day. What?s the etiquette? Next time I?m in this position, what should I do? Advise me so that I may know better!
Category Comments | Tags: , ponderation, travel | 1 Comment
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A little bit of good
September 11, 2008 by Amy Hansford
We all know we’ve had a bit of an up and down summer. Blisteringly hot beautiful days were equalled by monstrous monsoons and putting the heating on in August. All in all, a Brit’s perfect summer -?it gave us something to whige about. But there is a time in life before we get all distraught at such irritating things as nature. A time where things are still good, almost any way you look at them. And that is when you’re a kid.
Standing at the bus stop today I overheard a 7? year old talking with her mum. Do remember -?it was overcast but quite warm.
Kid: “Cor, we just had summer, and now it’s here again!”
Mum: “Well, we didn’t really have a summer.”
Kid: “Yeah, we had a summer….?”Sometimes it takes a little person to remind us big people of the big things we perceive as little.
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Hey you!
September 8, 2008 by Amy Hansford
Hey! I’ve been waiting for you to get here!
Yeah I know – it’s not all the glitz and glamour that you’d expect just yet, but it will be. Give me a bit of time. I mean, it’s not like I’ve owned the domain forever or anything…
Until then, you can check out my Twitter. Follow me via ‘awakey’ or just go straight there: www.twitter.com/awakey
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The first is the worst
September 8, 2008 by Amy Hansford
Thought I’d get the first post out of the way so I can’t be embarrassed by its awfulness later.
Phew!
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